Betrayal and forgiveness

Frank, my husband cheated on me with much older women. He told me sorry that it was a huge mistake and it will never happen again. I don't know why he did this, because I was always faithful to him. It's been over a year ago, but I just can't help wondering if it's going to happen again. Would I feel better about myself if I cheated on him, would It help me to forget the pain that's he put me through??

But “I just can't help wondering if it's going to happen again." 

Dear friend, In my 20 years as a Private Investigator let me give you my point of view exactly, because apologies and promises don't fix the problem. Did he ever tell you the REASON why he cheated? Nope... he just said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again. So why wouldn't he do it again? Your right, he would... because he never fixed the problem, he just apologized and moved forward and so did you. 

He will cheat again, guaranteed... not just because he did it before, but because he never fixed the reason why he did it before. 


If something is broken, you fix it... you don't just put a band-aid over it and hope for the best, do you? 
You FIX what is broken. However what ever you do don't cheat on him it shows that you have sunk so low that your playing his game. My point is you can never trust them again!
As the old saying goes, "two wrongs" does not make "one right". You will still carry your bleeding heart, even if you cheat everyday of the week. 

Sorry, that's the part of marriage that nobody likes, it's called "forgive and forget". Everybody like the "for better" part of the vow, but nobody likes the "for worse". 

I know this is not the part of the marriage where you agreed, but it is a part of the "for worse". To help with your pain, you may need to talk to a counselor, and a great spiritual counselor is even better. 

I would suggest lots of pray and you may need to write some letters to your husband to express your pain and really let everything out in your letters, but DO NOT give the letters to your husband. After you write the letters, destroy the letters. 

This exercise is strictly to help you reduce stress. Think of it as kick boxing or hitting something like a punching bag, (Not a person, or your husband.) 

I know this is going to sound crazy, and then do something nice for him. Mail him a nice card or plan a nice surprise get away for two. 

I know, "for better or worse" just sounds like words that we have to say when we get married, but in reality they are more than words. Sometimes we have to forgive and forget because "sometimes stuff happens." 

Remember, life is 10% based on what happens to you and it's 90% based on "how" you deal with what happens to you. It's almost like Boxing, they beat each other up, they betray each other, and the next thing you know, they're friends. Wow! That's a new meaning of forgive and forget, but it has the same concept. 

Good luck
Frank Crescentini

F.C.Investigations